


you’re the feeling i can’t put down

by localopa



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Crying, Exes, Exes to Lovers, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, M/M, bullshit there’s no exes to lovers tag, idk what else to tag i’m sorry mom, smh
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-15
Updated: 2020-02-15
Packaged: 2021-02-27 20:41:24
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,821
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22701910
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/localopa/pseuds/localopa
Summary: i literally can’t sleep alone anymore so i’ve shown up at your door in my pyjamas, can we have one more nap together, please?
Relationships: Harry Styles/Louis Tomlinson
Comments: 7
Kudos: 127





	you’re the feeling i can’t put down

**Author's Note:**

  * For [louistomlinsons](https://archiveofourown.org/users/louistomlinsons/gifts).



> ahhhhhhhhh !!!! i had two fucking weeks to write this lil guy (thanks @ jess) and it’s finally done!! this piece is dedicated to the lovely kirstin who is my favorite lesbian boyfriend ive ever had. i love you so much and i’m sorry i made this super angsty. my only goal was to make it over 2k and thank god i did. thank you to everyone in the tpwk groupchat for telling me to write, jess for the prompt, and, of course, rachel for betaing this for me again even though she’s a kpop stan and only likes louis (which who doesn’t?). title of this work is from habit by louis tomlinson. enjoy.
> 
> xx. oliver

it’s been exactly one month, two weeks, and four days since the break up, and harry is  _ tired _ . he hasn’t slept right since he and louis decided that they just weren’t working (see: harry thought about the future and panicked and immediately decided that breaking up with the love of his life was a  _ great idea _ ). ( see also: it was  _ not _ ). and he’s exhausted.

he’s used to cuddling up when he has bad days at work, and good days, and those in between days where just enough bad and good stuff happens and you can’t decide what kind of day it was. he’s used to waking up tangled in his lover’s arms, legs twisted up together so that they ache but in that  _ good way _ . he’s used to quiet mornings where he’s awoken to a kiss on the lips, morning breath be damned.

he’s used to louis being there. and now he’s not.

harry rolls out of bed after another sleepless night, ignoring the pang in his chest when he sees the empty left side of his bed. he goes about his morning routine, brews his coffee just the way louis used to do, except it’s lost its feeling without him telling harry about how tea is  _ far superior to coffee, harold.  _ he takes his coffee to the bathroom where he stares at his reflection for about a minute. this harry is the one he’s grown used to seeing nowadays. a tired, depressed, and miserable harry who can’t seem to get a wink of sleep anymore.

in reality, he should’ve just called louis and told him it was a mistake. that he had a moment of poor judgement and that he wants him back. but it’s been too long now, and he’s heard through the grapevine of their friend group that louis has been on a few dates, which only stings as much as getting stabbed in the heart hurts.

he’s lost his sunshine, he thinks, staring at his reflection before running his hands over his face. he needs to get over it, it’s obvious that louis has. it’s just that… he can’t. his heart yearns for louis in a way it will never yearn for someone else, and he’s accepted that. 

sighing, harry brushes his teeth, pulls back his hair into a bun, and walks back to their -  _ his -  _ bedroom. picking out an outfit for the day, he leaves with his camera bag attached to his side. maybe work today will be better than the last.

maybe. 

-

and it wasn’t. it was shit beyond belief and all harry wants is a good night’s sleep.

upon returning home, he strips himself of his clothes and immediately puts on his sleep clothes. he carefully sets his camera bag on the coffee table as he walks back to the bedroom, and lays down in bed to sleep. he hopes that sleep comes easy, even if he’s wary that it’ll actually happen.

harry tosses and turns for hours, checking the time and seeing it’s 2 in the morning.  _ this sucks _ , he thinks, arms crossing over his chest. he hadn’t had a full night’s rest in nearly two months and he’s sick of it. all he wants to do is sleep. it used to come easy for him, and now because of a stupid decision, he has to sleep alone.

this is bullshit.

he reaches for his phone, scrolling through his messages until he gets to louis. with a deep breath, he types out a message.

**_you still up? h_ **

it sends, and harry waits with bated breath for a response. he distracts himself by playing around on his phone, in the middle of a game when his phone buzzes.

**_is this how you start all your booty calls? l_ **

harry smiles. it’s such a louis text and he’s missed this. he’s missed the joking and stomachs hurting from laughter. he’s missed the crinkle by louis’ eyes when he smiles. he’s missed louis and all his quirks. it almost makes him forget to text him back.

**_only you would know. h_ **

**_your dirty talk sucks so i know this isn’t how you ask for sex. l_ **

harry should be offended, because his dirty talk doesn’t  _ suck _ , it got louis off  _ just fine. _ but he doesn’t because he has bigger fish to fry at this point. 

**_can i come over? h_ **

he holds his breath, anxious for the reply. it’s risky, they haven’t seen each other in weeks. he doesn’t even know if he’s allowed over. 

the weeks following the break up were hard for louis, is what harry heard. there were times he didn’t leave his bed or even eat, which worried him. he knows that the breakup on his end wasn’t that great, since he hasn’t been able to sleep in nearly two months. but the last thing he wants to do is hurt louis.

**_do you think that’s a good idea? l_ **

his heart is in his throat.

**_just want to see you. h_ **

it takes a moment to get a response. harry’s anxiety is through the roof as it comes in, an address to where his flat is, like he could forget where it is.

it’s a step.

-

so, harry doesn’t exactly have a plan for this. he didn’t think he’d get this far, and yet. here he is, standing outside louis’ apartment, not knowing what to do. 

it’s two am and he’s tired and the only person who can make it better is louis.

before he can knock on the door, it opens, revealing a disheveled louis. god, he looks gorgeous, even now. his hair is messy from sleep, his shirt is three sizes too big, probably an old one of harry’s that he never took back. and his pajama pants are too long for his legs and, fuck, he’s missed him so much. it was a mistake to break up with this beautiful, beautiful person.

“are you going to say something, love?” louis asks, his accent thick like he’s just come back from a visit from home. “or are you going to stare at me like i‘ve got two heads or something?”

harry shakes his head clear of his thoughts. “sorry.” he clears his throat. “you’re probably wondering why i’m here.”

louis nods, crossing his arms. “you’re lucky i even want to see your sorry arse.”

he deserves that, he really does. especially after all that he’s done to him. “i deserve that.”

“you do,” louis says, cocking out his hip. “but, yes. enlighten me on why you showed up on my doorstep.”

harry takes a deep breath. “i can’t sleep.”

louis looks at him with a confused expression. “you can’t sleep?” harry nods to confirm. “and this is my problem because…?”

“okay, it’s going to sound completely insane, and feel free to send me home. but i haven’t been able to sleep since we broke up. i’ve gotten used to sleeping next to someone and now i don’t have that. so i can’t sleep, my work has been shit, and i just want to get a good night’s rest.”

“o... kay.” louis shifts from one foot to the other. “where do i come into this?”

harry sighs. “can we sleep together?” he pauses. “not like… sleep as in  _ fucking _ but sleep as in i wanna cuddle you and hold you close and all that jazz. just like… as a solid.”

louis gives him a dirty look. “do you really think after what you’ve put me through that i’m just going to let you walk back in my life just so you can sleep in my bed?”

okay, when he puts it that way, harry sounds like a fucking dick. and, yeah, it’s pretty bold of harry to walk back into his ex’s life and ask for a favor like this but, he’s tired. and when he’s tired he does stupid shit like this. which is why he needs louis to do this for him.

“can we sleep together  _ please _ ?” harry asks again, putting on the pleading eyes. he needs this, so desperately. he needs some sleep. 

louis sighs, looking back into his apartment and then back out at harry. “fine. come in.” he walks into his home, leaving the door open for harry to come in himself. 

and he does, closing and locking the door behind him. he trails behind louis as they walk to his bedroom. he can’t believe that louis is actually letting him do this, is actually just going to sleep with him again so he can sleep. 

they get to the bedroom and harry freezes. rarely, if ever, they were in louis’ flat, and when they were, they were in his room most of the time. they spent most of their time at harry’s, he’d been contemplating asking louis to move in when he fucked it up. but this room, that bed, was the place that they first had sex, or, as harry would say,  _ made love _ . it’s eerie being back, having all the memories of being nervous as he fingered louis open, entering him slowly. holding his 

breath every time he moved, scared to hurt him. 

and he did. just not by fucking him. 

louis seems to notice he’s frozen, reaching out and grabbing his hand. “let’s just get some sleep.” his voice is soft, not harsh like it was earlier. louis squeezes his hand before letting go, getting into bed and waiting for harry. he looks so cozy over there, like they haven’t broken up and this is just a normal wednesday night.

except it’s not, and that’s why the pang in harry’s chest hurts worse than usual.

harry shakes himself out of whatever headspace he put himself in, crawling into bed next to louis while leaving a wide enough gap between them. the last thing he wants to do is make louis uncomfortable. he keeps his hands to himself, wanting to reach out and touch the other but feeling like he’s millions of miles away. louis notices, scooting back into him. their bodies nestle together like they have for the past two years, and tears start to well up in harry’s eyes. 

he sighs, this isn’t what he wants. harry wants to be able to laugh and smile, hold him close while he whispers promises he’ll forever keep in his ear while louis giggles and tells him to be quiet. he wants cold feet against his warm ones, warm hands over his, hair tickling his nose as he tries to fall asleep. 

but he’s ruined it all by panicking. 

“you can touch me, y’know,” louis mumbled, reaching back to grab at harry’s hands and wrap them around him. “not gonna bite them off.”

harry lets out a shaky breath, nodding even though louis can’t see him. he can get through tonight, even if all his emotions are hitting him like a freight train. 

it’s silent for a few moments, the only noise coming from harry as his breathing continues to be shaky. it seems like louis has enough of it, turning around in his arms to face him. 

“what is the problem?” 

harry shakes his head. “there’s no problem.”

even in the dark room, harry can see louis roll his eyes. “i wasn’t born yesterday, i know you’re not fine. tell me what’s wrong.”

there are two ways this could go. he could lie and piss louis off, or he could tell the truth and piss louis off. but a secret third option is to stay quiet, which is what he does. 

a hand goes to his chin, lifting up his face so it’s looking at louis’. he sniffles, pushing off louis’ hand and looking back down. he doesn’t deserve his kindness, doesn’t deserve anything from louis anymore. 

“please tell me what’s wrong.” louis’ voice breaks a little, causing harry to look back up. “i know you’re upset.”

harry sighs. “i’ve missed you,” he mumbled, fisting at louis’ shirt.

“you what?” 

“i know, it sounds stupid. because i’m the one who broke up with you. but… i haven’t been able to sleep in nearly two months, my work’s gone to shit and i just miss you.”

louis looks confused for a moment, eyebrows furrowed as he tries to make sense of what harry just said. “but you broke up with me. this doesn’t make any sense.”

harry looks up, trying to will away the tears from falling. “it was a mistake to break up with you.”

“what do you mean?” louis pulls at the hem of harry’s shirt, eyebrows still furrowed. 

it’s silent for a moment. harry doesn’t know what to do. maybe this was a mistake, to come back and sleep with louis. he starts to get out of the bed, pushing away from the other. it’s what he’s good at, pushing away people. 

louis’ grip on harry’s shirt tightens. “no,” he mumbles. “give me an answer. you need to tell me what you mean.” he looks at him with pleading eyes, the blue becoming bluer as tears start to form. 

harry sighs. “i panicked,” he starts, still trying to pull away. “i panicked about the future and thought it was a good idea to break up with you. it wasn’t, because my life is fucking horrible without you.” he finally breaks free of him, stumbling out of bed and onto the floor. “i’m sorry, i shouldn’t be here. i’ll just go.”

he starts to get up off the floor, trying to ignore the stinging in his eye and the heaviness in his heart. he doesn’t belong here anymore, he should’ve never come. once he’s on his feet, harry starts to walk out, head hanging as he makes his way through the apartment. 

harry feels a hand encompass his wrist when he reaches the living room, turning to see it’s louis. the other has always been quick on his feet, especially when harry is down on himself like he probably is now. his chest heaves a bit from trying to catch up to harry, hand warm around his wrist like it always is. harry’s heart lurches, he misses all of this. 

they stand in silence for a minute, staring into each other’s eyes. harry’s ears start to ring in the quiet when louis reels forward, hand leaving his wrist and both going up to cup harry’s face and -

their lips touch and harry wants to sob. 

immediately, harry’s hands go to his waist, louis pulling him closer. his eyes close, squeezing his hips as their lips move against each other. he wants to savor this moment forever, he’s got his most favorite boy in his arms, kissing him like they’re  _ starved _ of each other. their lips move together so  _ well _ , so perfectly together and he doesn’t know why he panicked to begin with. 

harry doesn’t realize he’s crying until louis pulls away, thumb wiping away his tears as they fall.

“hey, hey,” louis’ voice is soft, light, full of love. “it’s okay, you’re okay.” his lips press against harry’s cheek, mumbling words of encouragement against the skin. 

he cries for a while, forehead against louis’ as he keeps wiping away his tears. he doesn’t deserve louis, doesn’t deserve his kindness or his touch. his sobs turn into staccato breaths, his chest hiccuping as he finally calms down. 

once he finally stops crying, all that’s left are stray tears, louis kisses him again. it’s a short one this time, but it leaves a small smile on harry’s face. he steals another kiss, then one more just because he can. it leaves them both giggling. 

“there isn’t anyone else, right?” harry asks, rubbing his thumbs into his hips. 

louis shakes his head. “no, why? what have they told you?”

harry shrugs. “just that you’ve been on a few dates. didn’t know if you were seeing anyone.” he bites his lip and looks down at their toes.

“hey,” the sound of his sweet voice makes him look back up. “there’s nobody. just want you.”

the last words makes harry break out in a big smile, surging forward to kiss louis again and again. he’s addicted to his lips, never wanting to be without them again. 

“does this mean you’ll take me back?” harry asks hopefully, eyes a bit wide. 

all louis does is nod, dropping his hands and offering one to him. harry takes it immediately, and allows himself to be pulled back to the bedroom. this time, when they get into bed, it’s no longer awkward and there’s giggles and smiles. 

they share a kiss or two or six, louis climbing into harry’s lap as they quickly turn the kissing into making out like teenagers. their lips can’t seem to break away from each other, even though their smiles are making it hard to keep it that way. 

it’s been one month, two weeks, and four days since the break up, and day one of new beginnings and of full night’s rests. 

_ fin. _

**Author's Note:**

> bop bop bop your way into my top @ voulezloux


End file.
